Purpose

Recently I’ve been reflecting on life and the meaning of it all.  As of late I’ve withdrawn from the internet and social medias out of fear.  Fear that I would log onto Twitter only to see news of another terrorist attack or an article informing me of the next moronic decision our incompetent President has made.  Medias and news sites are built to play on our fears because that’s what keeps us engaged; what makes us wonder, Could I be next?

Amidst all the foul news it’s hard to stay positive.  I’ve spent many a day, though more-so recently, contemplating what it all means.  Racking my brain to find an answer or a solution; meditating on the reason why we’re all here; just trying to understand.

But perhaps our purpose isn’t to understand.  Whether you believe in God or the Universe or the Self or the Big Bang, the common theme here is that we all come from something bigger than ourselves.  Take a minute to be humbled by that- each of us plays a small yet vital role in a much, much bigger plan imagined by some higher being of power.  I’ve been trying to understand this plan for years to no avail.

And I think I’ve finally discovered why:  Our reason for being isn’t to understand what this world means.  We were all placed here by some power that I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around, so to think that I would be able to comprehend said power’s plan is absurd.  We weren’t necessarily built to understand the why.  All we’re able to do is take each and every opportunity and experience the Universe grants us and roll with it.

“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.” –Ben Okri

We are here to discover within us our own ability to love unconditionally, especially when it’s not easy; to forgive and let go of the resentment and hatred that can fester within us like nothing else can; to practice compassion; to live without fear holding us back; to let go of what we think should be and learn to appreciate what is; to grow from our mistakes; to overcome our own ego; to be greater than the greed that our society has prioritized; to experience grief and overcome our sufferings; to come together as a community and stand up for each of our innate rights as a human being; to navigate life mindfully and purposefully.

We are here to create the best and most fulfilled life possible for ourselves.  We are here to live happily and encourage others to do the same.  Not every moment will be easy, but that’s the point.  We are here to learn and grow and rise above and love without limits.

Our purpose isn’t to understand the meaning of life; our purpose is to embody the meaning of life.

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Benefits of Exercise (There’s More than just Weight Loss)

In my last post, I talked about why movement and making time to move is important not only for a healthy body, but for a healthy mind-body connection.  After uploading that post, I proceeded with my day and heard an ad on the radio marketing a discounted gym membership for listeners looking to shed that last 10 pounds before swimsuit season.  Waiting in line at the grocery store, I noticed magazines promising a workout to tone your tummy in 7 days or a “Summer Shape-Up” routine to target every zone in “just minutes a day”!

Honestly, I’m just fed up with seeing that kind of marketing everywhere I go.  Why can’t people just exercise and move without weight loss being the ultimate goal?  Can’t we just move our bodies because it feels good?  Why does a progressive action to exercise imply that we’re unhappy with how we look and that we’re doing said action to lose weight or tone-up?

In the modern media, exercise is a means to lose weight and nothing else.  And while exercise does aid in burning fat and building muscle, we cannot forget about the countless other benefits of exercise that have nothing to do with weight loss!  Regular exercise can:

  1. Reduce stress & improve mental clarity (great for combating depression & anxiety),
  2. Positively impact one’s self-image & self-love,
  3. Prevent brain cell degeneration,
  4. Increase productivity & increase one’s ability to relax,
  5. Encourage normal body function to fight disease (i.e. diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure),

And so much more!  Movement of all kind is beneficial to the body; stretching elongates targeted muscles and the surrounding connective tissues to elicit muscle relaxation and increase flexibility.  Joint mobilization stimulates the body’s production of synovial fluid to allow freer joint movement (which is vital as we get older) and increases kinetic (bodily) awareness.

kahyoga3For a healthy mind-body connection, exercise is key.  When we habitually associate exercise with weight loss, it can make us feel that if we’re not losing weight as a result of exercise, our efforts are wasted and then discourages us from continuing.  Get out and move not to get down to a certain size or to fit society’s bologna standards; do it to show your body that you love and accept it just as it is, and that’s why you want to take care of it.

Do it because it feels good and you deserve to feel good!

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Sources:

  • OnHealth
  • Huffpost
  • Benjamin, Patricia. Tappan’s Handbook of Massage Therapy. 6th ed. Boston: Pearson Education, Inc., 2016. Print. Pg 291.

Flow

As I’m writing this, I’m fresh off a practice session.  I can feel the blood moving throughout my body; my muscles contracting and relaxing as I’m now typing.  For the moment, I have a heightened awareness of my body and the world around me and I understand how my physical body interacts with the physical world.

kahyoga1Now I’ll go about my day and my mind may drift to different places and my hands may busy themselves, but my body will maintain that awareness.  Every movement is calculated and without even realizing it I am mindful of said movements.  Walking my dog, sitting on the couch, preparing lunch- each activity is done with an awareness that, had I not practiced, I would not have.

My sister, my mom and I are big fans of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars and so we follow the movements of the cast, which has led us to see (twice now) Derek and Julianne Hough’s MOVE Tour.  They have a mantra that they bring up each show that has really resonated with me:

 Motion equals emotion.

kahyoga2The way we move directly affects how we think and how we feel.  How we respond to others.  How we react to the world around us.  I like to use the analogy of a river: Picture a stagnant river- unmoving, gathering pollutants and foam.  Inhabitants of this river are not likely thriving.  Now imagine a flowing river, crashing over rocks and gathering speed as it does so.  Everything within it is alive and well and nourished as its resources are constantly being replenished.  Equate your body to either of these rivers… Which would you rather be?

It doesn’t matter how you move or at what speed you move.  It doesn’t matter that it may not be perfect.  What matters is that you do move.  That you experience your body and what it can do.  What matters is that you move in a way that positively affects your mind-body-soul connection.  That you reap the rewards of a body in motion; the benefits are endless.

kelseyathome1

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Beyond the Scale

I wrote this several weeks ago but have been hesitant to share it.  Whilst rereading it, I realize it comes off a little… depressive.  But I’ve decided to leave this post as-is because these are all things that I felt at the time I wrote it.  But I think it’s important to note that I do not only feel this way.  Losing weight has been a struggle, but it’s also helped me to learn more about myself.  And while some days are hard, most days are great and I’m a very happy and grateful human.  This is all a part of my journey and I treat each experience as an integral part of that.


As life would have it, shortly after I posted about my weight loss I realized that I wasn’t healthy. On paper, sure, I was healthy- my weight was the lowest it’s been in years which, of course, has other positive bodily effects. But I didn’t feel good.

I was falling into detrimental habits that I am unfortunately all too familiar with. I was obsessing over the number on the scale. People noticed my weight loss and told me how great I looked and congratulated me on such a feat. This should have motivated me but instead it tore me apart. My weight directly affected my self-worth, and as the number on the scale went down my esteem went up- and vice-versa. Suddenly, I only saw myself as a number on the scale.

Feeling like I had no purpose other than to be skinny, I turned to food for comfort and started gaining weight… Again. My mind began to fog. Those around me noticed my weight loss, so surely they would notice my gain. My face isn’t as thin as it was only four weeks ago; my waist not as slim. In my mind, everything I was eating was “bad”. I felt guilty eating anything. When I was home alone with only my dog I would actually put food back because JEEZ terriers are so judgmental!

In hindsight, I can tell that my behavior over the past month has been destructive. But I didn’t realize how bad things had actually gotten until two weekends ago when Jeff and I went away. On our mini-vacation, the hotel we stayed at offered a buffet breakfast. I could have eaten every single item lined up there and even if I felt like I was about to burst I would keep eating just because it was there. While I was eating delicious pancakes all I could think about was the next thing I was going to eat. It was here that I realized just how much of what I was eating was being eaten just because it was there. Starving or stuffed, food was my life whether I even enjoyed it or not. I always had to be eating. I felt ashamed.

In the beginning, I was determined to lose weight to look “good” in a bikini. I didn’t want to look back on my wedding photos and hate what I saw. I wanted to feel good about myself. But as people began to notice my weight loss, my reasons why morphed into just one reason: I wanted people to think that I was skinny; and if they didn’t, it meant I was nothing. (I realize that this has everything to do with me and NOTHING to do with my family and peers who only saw how hard I was working to reach my goal and were graciously congratulating me for it.)

But at the time, I couldn’t see what was happening. I was losing weight and so my self-worth and esteem were high and that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t stop thinking about the leftovers in the fridge. It didn’t matter that no matter how much I lost it would never be enough. It didn’t matter that if I felt I’d indulged too much I would degrade myself with words like “fat” or “pig” or “ugly” or “dumb”. It didn’t matter because every day I was getting skinnier.

My mind wasn’t healthy;  I was so detached from my body and what it truly needed.  For some, like myself, there is so much more to losing weight than eating less.  For me, it’s a lifestyle change, and as I’m adjusting my whole life I’m having to deal with stuff from every part of my life that has brought me here.

A lifestyle change isn’t always just about eating less, but may include changing how we handle problems or learning to eat mindfully instead of eating just because it’s there.  Everyone’s journey is different, and this is a part of mine.  I’m having to realize why I feel compelled to eat a whole bag of chips instead of a healthy-sized serving.  I need to recognize when my body feels satisfied instead of just eating until I can’t breathe.

I wanted to share this because this is honestly where I’m at.  It’s certainly not pretty, but I promised to share the good, the bad and the ugly parts of my journey.  Going through this has been difficult, but I think it’s also made me a better person.  Writing this has helped me learn more about myself and by sharing it here, I hope to shed light on an issue not often discussed when people talk about losing weight.

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Mental and emotional health are just as important as physical health.  I’m taking some time to reevaluate and prioritize my long-term goals.  Bodily health means nothing to me if my mind and soul aren’t also healthy.  My personal journey is about finding balance in my body and in life, and my blog is a direct extension of that.  Holistic health considers all parts of the body and though for the moment I’ve lost sight of that, I’m hopeful and know that each struggle only makes me stronger.

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